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When I was pregnant with my second child, Isaac, a friend entertained me with a not-so-charming story: While her coworker's new babe -- also the 2nd child -- was napping in the living room, the mother overheard her 3-yr-old whisper to a friend, "When Mommy'due south in the kitchen, we tin can spit on him." I was horrified and determined to make sure that kind of jealousy didn't happen in my house. Just while there was no spitting (that I know of, anyway), at that place was certainly envy.

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At one betoken, my 3-year-quondam, Hannah, suggested with a sweet smile that we build her newborn brother "a really beautiful dog house in the backyard where he can live."

Of course, being jealous is a normal rite of passage for all firstborns. However, the way you handle information technology tin can bear upon whether your child comes to run across his new sibling as a friend or a foe down the road. Our age-by-age guide volition help your older kid adjust to the new child in town (and keep his spit to himself).

Big-Kid Age: Under 24 months

What yous can await

Similar my son Isaac, who was xv months old when his brother, Ben, was born, young children can seem almost clueless about the arrival of a new baby. (We may also take brought home a pooping stuffed animal.) Just it can exist an emotionally crude road to become a big blood brother or sister before the historic period of two. "This is by far the hardest fourth dimension for the firstborn to accept a new baby," says Fran Walfish, Psy.D., author of The Self-Enlightened Parent. "Every child needs a full tablespoon of Mommy all to herself. Two years is a full tablespoon. Less than that can increase sibling jealousy and resistance to accepting the baby as a total fellow member of the family unit." If your older child doesn't seem visibly upset past the baby's arrival, it's possible that she is still grieving the end of the fashion her life used to be. Often this grief doesn't show upwards as overt jealousy and tantrums until the infant becomes mobile and starts grabbing your older kid's things.

How to handle information technology

Enjoy the calm for now, if that's what you lot've got, and exist certain to schedule some time alone each day with your toddler, fifty-fifty if it's only a 15-infinitesimal story while the baby is in someone else's arms. Remind yourself to smile when your toddler comes into the room, just every bit you did before yous were then wearied. (It doesn't have much free energy to grin and to give hugs and kisses to a piddling 1 who may demand them.) Of course, toddlers can be an unreasonable agglomeration, new baby or no new baby. "Don't fall into the trap of negotiating or pleading with your child," says Dr. Walfish. If she whines that she wants you to pick her up but you're nursing the baby, tell her: "You're sad that I can't option you up right at present. I'yard sad too. Come snuggle up side by side to me and the baby. And when I'thou finished, allow's hug!"

Recommended reading

• I'1000 a Large Sister (or I'm a Big Brother) , by Joanna Cole. A new big sister compares what she tin exercise with what babies can practice, so lets her parents know how special she is.
• Waiting for Baby (New Baby) , past Rachel Fuller. Create your own narrative as you flip through this board book showing a toddler who sees Mommy off to the hospital, meets the baby for the commencement time, and helps Daddy so Mommy can residuum.

Baby pulls boy's hair

Credit: AE Pictures Inc/Getty Images

Big Kid Age: 2-3 years

What you lot can expect

Many children this age become weepy, whiny, or clingy, especially subsequently the novelty of a new baby wears off. "Ever since my babe came home, one of my 3-year-old twins has been super jealous," says Amy Shoaff, of Westchester, California. "She'll say she wants pulverisation on her lesser, which she sees me putting on the baby, and she screams until she gets it." Kids may want to nurse over again if they've been weaned or to drink from a bottle when they've been happily using a sippy cup for months. Bedtime rituals may elevate out and collide tragically with your baby's fussy flow. As well, a child who has been sleeping in his own bed may suddenly want to sleep in yours, particularly if the baby is in your room. And if he's been sleeping through the nighttime he may outset having nightmares or waking and wanting to go far on the action when he hears the infant at 3 a.m. "Most toddlers and preschoolers feel very conflicted nearly a new sibling. A role of them just wants to be a babe and another part, the part that says, 'I can do it myself,' wants autonomy and independence," notes Parents advisor Jenn Berman, Psy.D., author of The A to Z Guide to Raising Happy, Confident Kids.

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How to handle it

Give words to your child's mixed emotions. Endeavour something like, "It looks like you lot really want to be a baby now too," suggests Dr. Berman. And then let your older kid play baby for a while. My daughter, Hannah, and I used to do this when Isaac was a newborn: She'd sit on my lap and I'd cradle her, legs spilling over the side of the rocking chair, as she said variations of "Googeegaga" until nosotros both started to laugh. The more than I let myself go into it, the funnier it became, which I suspect defused her sadness and helped her movement on; she didn't ask to play baby more than a few times afterward that.

To aid your kid arrange to her new daily life, program alee while you're pregnant. "Bedtime routines inevitably are shortened when the new baby arrives," says Edward R. Christophersen, Ph.D., a clinical child psychologist at Children'south Mercy Hospitals and Clinics, in Kansas Metropolis, Missouri. "Then condense them ahead of fourth dimension." If your child is used to Mommy getting him up and giving him breakfast, transition to Daddy doing it at present then before the babe is born. And Daddy should be sure to say how excited he is to take a plow with morn time. If the baby will be sleeping in your older child's crib, go him a toddler bed months before the baby arrives (or get another crib). It'southward also important to avoid blaming the baby for any negative changes in the firm -- that's a recipe for resentment.

Recommended reading

• On Mother's Lap, by Ann Herbert Scott. A comforting mom makes sure that there is enough room on her lap for Michael, his beloved toys, and -- when she cries -- his new sis.
• Best-Always Big Sister (or Best-Ever Large Brother), by Karen Katz. This elevator-the-flap book teaches future big brothers and sisters about all that babies are capable of and how older siblings should exist proud of their own accomplishments.

Male child and baby on bed

Big Kid Historic period: four-half dozen years

What you lot can expect

Kids at this stage are oftentimes more agreement, and they can be pretty levelheaded about the introduction of a new sibling. And then if the baby spits up on her, it's easier to explicate that he didn't do information technology on purpose. And if the babe gets into her toys, y'all can assist her put away her favorites so the baby tin can't reach them. (Toys that are a choking hazard must always be kept out of accomplish.) Kids in this historic period group have ameliorate coping skills, not to mention the ability to accept turns or wait longer for a snack or a story. They likewise have more of a life of their own, between schoolhouse, playdates, and activities. Your child'south world is widening and she isn't so reliant on you lot to be her everything. That said, you're still the person to whom she'southward most attached; if she'due south not getting the attention she needs from you, she may fear she's beingness left behind and act upwards.

How to handle it

"I-on-once with your older child is the best antidote to her fright of abandonment," says Dr. Berman. Fifty-fifty if it'southward just a trip to the grocery store, invite her to bring together you and go out the baby home with your partner if possible. And when the baby does things that might drive your older child nuts, be her advocate: Replace her torn book; permit her shut out the wailing by listening to a soothing vocal on your phone. Say, "I know this is hard. Permit's take a deep jiff together."

Recommended reading

• Babies Don't Swallow Pizza , by Dianne Danzig. A charming, straightforward book that covers "wacky" baby hair, hospital bracelets, and the lesser line that eating pizza is a privilege that'due south only for older kids.
• Julius, the Baby of the World, past Kevin Henkes. Lilly doesn't effort to hide her jealousy as she tells her baby brother, Julius, that if he were a food he'd be a raisin and if he were a number he'd be 0. Merely Lilly'south loyalty awakens when a cousin insults the infant.

Big-Child Age: 7 to 8 years

What you can expect

If y'all ask your kid how his day was, he might only say, "Fine." Information technology takes more effort to get children this age to talk and open up about what they are feeling, says Dr. Walfish. The claiming is to get them to express any jealousy that may lead to obnoxious behavior (such as defiance, back talk, or an overt disregard of the baby).

How to handle information technology

When my children were this age, my secret weapon for getting them to open upwards was a ten-minute snuggle before bed. While my kids told me basically nothing in the car on the ride habitation from schoolhouse starting in first grade, they'd tell me a whole lot at eight:15 p.m. as we were unwinding by the glow of the night-light. Dr. Walfish recommends asking your child to call up what it was similar to exist the only kid in the family unit and what's different about life now. You might enquire what's hard and what's fun about the baby. If he lets on that he'due south feeling jealous, reassure him of your love and ask if in that location's something yous can do to help. Or tell him about a time when y'all felt jealous of your own sibling. To help build your children'southward bond with each other, do your best to appoint your older child with the baby. Invite him to assist wrap a towel effectually the baby when you lot have her from the tub, to read the baby a story while you fold laundry beside them, or to distract her with a vocal during a squirmy diaper change. But be careful that you don't rely on him to be a junior babysitter, which could rapidly become a brunt.

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Recommended reading

• What to Await When the New Infant Comes Dwelling, by Heidi Murkoff. Angus the Answer Dog provides the within scoop on important questions about the new baby, such as why he cries so much and gets so many presents.
• What Near Me? 12 Means to Get Your Parents' Attention (Without Hitting Your Sis), by Eileen Kennedy-Moore, Ph.D. This book by a Parents advisor addresses sibling rivalry and envy by showing kids there are creative and kind ways to deal with feeling left out.

v Ways to Help Your Child Adjust

1. Don't effort to "set" your child'south negative emotions; just practise the best yous tin can to sympathise and accept them.
2. Feel free to be silly nigh the situation: "Aye, permit's pretend to build a really nice canis familiaris house for the baby to live in! Mayhap nosotros tin send Uncle Noah out there to live in it too!"
3. But don't be so silly (or silly so often) that you minimize her feelings.
4. Acknowledge it whenever he's beingness sweet with the babe.
5. Know that adjusting to a new baby is an ongoing procedure. If you're unsure of what to do, talk to a smart mommy friend who has older children, your pediatrician, or a counselor.

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Celeb Siblings: The Age Gap

Run across which famous moms have the same spacing between their kids as you do!

1 year

• Jessica Simpson's daughter, Maxwell, and son, Ace, are about 14 months apart.
• Drew Barrymore's daughter Olive was 19 months former when niggling sister Frankie was born.
• Brooke Burke-Charvet's youngest daughter, Sky, is xiv months older than little brother Shaya.

ii years

• Penélope Cruz's son, Leo, is 2 and a half years older than his sister, Luna.
• Kristin Cavallari'southward son Camden is 21 months older than baby brother Jaxon.

iii years

• Michelle Obama's daughters, Malia and Sasha, are three years apart.
• Jennifer Garner's kids -- Violet, Seraphina, and Samuel -- are each separated by virtually three years.

iv years

• Reese Witherspoon'due south two oldest kids, Ava and Deacon, are four years autonomously.

v years

• Halle Berry's daughter, Nahla, was five when Berry welcomed her son, Maceo.

6 years

• Tina Fey's daughter Alice was almost six when the family welcomed baby Penelope.

seven years

• Kate Hudson's sons, Ryder and Bingham, accept about seven and a one-half years between them.

8 years

• Jennifer Connelly'due south two youngest children, Stellan and Agnes, are about eight years apart.

9 years

• Céline Dion'south son René-Charles was almost 10 years old when his twin brothers, Boil and Nelson, were born.

More than x years

• Victoria Beckham's oldest son, Brooklyn, is 15, and her daughter, Harper, is three.

-- Reported by Jacquie Itsines

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Source: https://www.parents.com/pregnancy/everything-pregnancy/this-boys-response-when-he-finds-out-hes-gonna-be-a-big-brother-is/

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